Final Destination Review Fail.

Man, this is what I'm talking about. Reviewers trying to be funny instead of just sticking to reviewing the movie.

So I see a review for Final Destination 5. Now let me preface this by saying, I know what the fuck The Final Destination series is all about. I'm under no illusions of what or what not it is.

I don't expect anyone to say anything about it being "cutting edge" or "breaking new ground" or whatever. It's the fifth installment of a horror series, at this point it's lucky to get a theatrical release.

That being said. I at least want an honest review. So I click on Julia Brown's review and man, I don't even get to the review before I want chuck a box set of the FD series at her smug picture.

You see this person tries to be funny. This Julia Brown writes "humorous" captions underneath all the photos from the film that are sprinkled throughout the review.

Unfortunately, THEY ARE FROM THE WRONG FUCKING MOVIE. In Julia's rush to get her review posted with snarky photo comments, she pulled photos from The Final Destination (the fourth movie) NOT FD5.

Captions such as "Is it just us or does every image from Final Destination 5 make it look like a cheap Michael Bay knock-off?" "Help! We're in Final Destination 5!" and '"Which way to the Transformers 3 set?" Nicholas d'Agosto and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood in Final Destination 5.' are posted with pictures, unless used in several flashback scenes, ARE CLEARLY FROM THE PREVIOUS MOVIE.

She even credits the actors incorrectly. No, that’s not Nicholas d'Agosto, that’s Bobby Campo. Did you or did you not see the movie?

This is what is wrong with some reviewers. Nowadays we are getting inundated with failed comedians who still think they are funny. Now, let’s take a step back, what if those WERE images from Final Destination 5...the captions still wouldn’t be fucking funny. But it would make this review look less of a joke.

So how was the actual review? Man, I don’t know. It’s hard to seriously take a movie review from someone who posts pictures from the wrong movie and credits the wrong actors.

Kill Your Cash! New Horror DVDs for 12.29.2009

New Horror DVDs making their debut this week are a couple of high profile movies.

First up is the Megan Fox entry that most either really loved or really hated, Jennifer’s Body. Personally I thought it was ‘just ok’. Would I buy it? Well, it wouldn’t be the first thing on the shelf I would grab but I think it’s not a bad addition to the collection. The dialogue mat be little much, but I digress.

The one I’m sure most people are curious to get their hands on is the surprise hit, Paranormal Activity. Either you haven’t seen it yet and wanna see if it lives up to the hype or you really dug it and wanna add it to your collection. There is an alternate ending on the disc which if you have not seen, is pretty cool. For the real fan there is a Limited Collector's Edition which also hooks you up with a T-shirt and an authentic film cell from the movie.

So here ya go. The last DVD releases of 2009 to Kill Your Cash are:

(Click on the pics to be taken to the Amazon purchase page)

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Paranormal Activity (2009)

Paranormal Activity Limited Collector's Edition

Carriers (2009)

Vampire Killers (2008)

Diagnosis: Death (2009)

Evil Offspring

Nuns of Saint Archangel (1973)

--Monstar

Kill Your Cash! New Horror DVDs for 10.27.2009

A few titles I wanna add to my collection come out on DVD this week. I have not seen it yet, but a couple of people have been telling me about Orphan. So I think I’ll give it a shot. Night of the Creeps also hits DVD as well as Stan Helsing a fun movie which features the always stunning Diora Baird. I already took a look at the movie and a review will be posted in a bit.

For now, here are the new horror DVD releases for October 27th, 2009:

(Click on the pics to be taken to the Amazon purchase page)

Orphan (2009)

Night of the Creeps (1986)

Messiah of Evil: The Second Coming (1974)

Black Devil Doll (2009)

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet

Stan Helsing (2009)

The Asphyx (1972)

Night of Death! (1980)

Jin Won Kim's The Butcher (2007)

Evil Face (1974)

Sauna (2008)

Breaking Nikki (2009)

Graveyard Disturbance (1987)

Born of Fire (1987)

Late Fee (2009)

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1989)

X-Cross (2007)

Rotkäppchen: The Blood of Red Riding Hood

I Can See You (2008)

42nd Street Forever 5: Alamo Drafthouse Edition (2009)

--Monstar

BLU-MONDAY: New Horror Blu-ray Releases for The Week of 10.27.09

Some nice titles on Blu-ray that arrive just in time for your Halloween viewing. One of which, Night of the Creeps, has been on most fans wish list for years and finally makes its debut on disc. Order quickly and have them ready at the pad for a spooky time this weekend.

(Click on the pics to be taken to the Amazon purchase page)

Night of the Creeps (1986)

Stan Helsing (2009)

Orphan (2009)

The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974)

--Monstar

CABIN FEVER 2 Needs A Flu Shot

I enjoyed the original Cabin Fever, so being the sequel junkie that I am, I ventured to the screening of the Ti West directed film at Screamfest. Alas, Cabin Fever 2 is no Cabin Fever.

Following the events of the first movie, the virus is alive and has found its way into a batch of bottled water that’s being shipped to a local high school. Coincidently it’s the day of the Prom and as the party gets going, the virus kicks in. A military squad of some sort quarantine the school leaving all the prom goers to be ravaged by the virus and mostly die off camera. In the midst of this, one of the students, John (Noah Segan) tries to get out with his romantic interest Cassie (Alexi Wasser).

That’s pretty much the main thrust of the movie. There is also an epilogue set in strip joint for no apparent reason and a cartoon showing the spread of the virus. A nice WTF.

Cabin Fever 2 attempts to be an over the tops comedic shockfest and while it is ripe with gross out moments, it fails to be funny. In this movie things just happen. No build up, no tension, no lead up, nothing. It’s Just presented as though random ideas were filmed and strung together to be called a movie.

Noah Segan as John does have some nice moments and does bring some reality to the movie as man who has been in love with a girl who, of course, is with the resident school douche. But other than that the actors are there just to be the next splatter moment which becomes redundant.

I wasn’t given any reason to care for these characters or what happened to them. Cabin Fever 2 is really disconnecting and I was left watching a bad highlight reel of red corn syrup splattered on actors for an hour and a half.

Note: At this Cabin Fever 2 does not have a release date.

-- Monstar@HorrorOnDvd.com

AMC’s Fear Fest is In Full Swing!

Every year at Halloween the AMC channel devotes itself to horror with its Fear Fest. This year’s annual tradition started on October 23rd and is set to continue for the rest of the month. Slated for showing are horror flix like Halloween (of course), Return of the Living Dead, the Alien quadrilogy and many more. A full schedule can be found on the channel’s website amctv.com/fearfest. Also on the site is random fun like polls, quizzes, tournaments and more.

So settle in for a week of watching horror movies, it’s going to be fun!

SAW VI Slices Up Nice!

The latest entry in the Saw franchise delivers some nice shocks, good story and of course TRAPS! Directed by Kevin Greutert, Saw VI starts off with a bang as the opening prologue sets the pace for a nice ride that flirts with getting over the top gory but chooses not to cross the line. The main thrust of the story revolves around a medical insurance businessman whose history of choosing the bottom line over human life comes back to haunt him. Played by Peter Outerbridge, William Easton is set through a series of traps and games that put him in the position of having to face fatal decisions he was flippantly making, but now with people he knows and works with. One of the last lessons left by the deceased serial (but not really) killer Jigsaw. While Easton is maneuvering through the traps, Jigsaw’s apprentice Lieutenant Hoffman is on the verge of being uncovered by the authorities. A lot of flashbacks are involved as loose ends from the last 3 movies are tied up, putting together many of the puzzle pieces.

The centerpiece of the Saw movies are the traps, and in this one the tradition continues quite well. My favorite was the “pound of flesh” trap from the opening sequence. I’d like a little bit more of the “what would YOU do” type scenarios as one tends to get more involved with it than the “how will this person escape” type. But still, the traps in Saw VI hold up well and are inventive.

One of the chief complaints of the latest entries has been the almost non-existent presence of the commanding Tobin Bell. It seems like he was well missed enough that he has more screen time in this one and it is really noticed. The other actors don’t have too much to do but they dutifully carry their roles well enough to keep the momentum going. Noticeably, Costas Mandylor as Hoffman is there just to set up the traps, not to give reasoning behind them (that is left to Bell). So pretty much the main villain is there without much to do.

Another fault of the last couple of movies were if you were not well versed in all the installments you were pretty much left scratching your head. While Saw VI still needs you to be somewhat familiar with its predecessors, it can work (to a degree) on its own at the same time cleaning up the questions left over from the previous Saws. Though the cliffhanger ending is a pain, it’s expected as Saw VII has already been announced.

Saw VI is a nice Halloween movie that follows through on the promises of scares, tension and lots of blood. Check it out.
--Monstar
Monstar@HorrorOnDvd.com